Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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