i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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