there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
