Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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