Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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