I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
