As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
