May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
