just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
