He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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