Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
