I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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