We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
