She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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