i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
