just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
