Do you still have your period?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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