Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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