Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
