I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
