they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
