Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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