Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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