3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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