Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
