my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
