he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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