The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
this beer tastes like vomit already
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
