this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
