Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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