he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
