You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
3 2 1 whiskey
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
