Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
