he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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