How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
