I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
