ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
her facebook's as public as her vagina
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
