it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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