remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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