good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
