This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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