I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
vagina is talking i cant
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
