come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
