I heard we made out
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
