I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
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