Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
