I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
