Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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