Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
