I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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