I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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