I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
