I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
