My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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