i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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