road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I have already put on my inside pants.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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